


homosucked. some dubious homosuck aggregates.

by vectigal



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Embedded Images, Gen, homosuck, shitpost
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 16:15:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29887197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vectigal/pseuds/vectigal
Summary: Poorly written mock Homosuck pages. Homosuckvignettes, if you will. Possibly out of character. All character dialogue taken from anonymous spam messages sent to my inbox.The inter-page links for jumping only work properly if you read this chapter-by-chapter, due to my negligence in renaming the links.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	1. THE FLIGHTY BROAD STANDS BEFORE THE ALPHA MALE.

homosucked.

THE ALPHA MALE LIES IN WAIT. UNDISTURBED, AS HE SHOULD BE.

HE IS FULLY COGNISANT OF HIS SUPERIORITY. OF EXACTLY HOW A BOY LIKE HIM SHOULD BEHAVE. 

NAY. NOT A BOY. BUT A *MAN*. 

BUT WAIT! WHAT'S **THIS**?

> SOMETHING IS WRONG.

SOMETHING IS WRONG.

A FLIGHTY BROAD STANDS IN HIS WAY. EVEN A MAN AS GREAT AS HE. WHICH IS TO SAY, AN EXTREMELY MANLY MAN. COULD NOT HAVE PREDICTED SUCH INDECENCY.

THIS IS NO TOP FLIGHT FEMALE THAT HAS SEEN FIT TO ASSAULT HIM. TO BAR HIS STEPS TOWARDS HIS PREDESTINED GREATNESS.

NO.

> THIS BROAD IS SOMETHING ELSE. SOMETHING WORSE.

THIS BROAD IS SOMETHING ELSE. SOMETHING WORSE.

THIS FLIPPANT BITCH HAS OPENED HIS MOUTH. AND OH, BUT HIS EVERY WORD. THESE ARE NOT THE WORDS OF A DECENT DAME. IN FACT. HE IS NO DAME AT ALL.

THIS BITCH. THIS UTTER PIECE OF SHIT. HAS THREATENED THE ALPHA MALE. HE HAS WIELDED HIS *BONER*. OR THE ACTIVATION THEREOF. 

WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT MEANS.

> but the alpha male will not take this disrespect.

but the alpha male will not take this disrespect.

IN THE FACE OF THIS INDECENCY, THE ALPHA MALE STARES. STOIC. UNHINDERED. A FONT OF ONLY THE PUREST OF MASCULINITIES. YOU GET THE POINT.

HE OPENS HIS MOUTH TO REPLY. BECAUSE HE IS STILL YOUNG, HE HAS NOT YET LEARNED TO DISCARD THE WEAKNESS KNOWN AS *PITY*. HE HAS NOT LEARNED BETTER. AND SO HE HAS WORDS TO BEQUEATH UPON THE BITCH BEFORE HIM. IT IS AN ACT OF LABOUR. NOT TO BE MISTAKEN FOR AN ACT OF *LOVE*, WHICH IS A BULLSHIT TERM INTENDED TO DISGUISE THE VILE AND LEWD BEHAVIOURS OF HUMANS. WHICH HE IS ABOVE.

CAREFULLY. PATIENTLY. HE BESTOWS HIS ANIME WISDOM UPON THE STUPID BROAD.

> he graces him with his knowledge.

he graces him with his knowledge.

AND IT SEEMS AS THOUGH THE BROAD HAS HAD A CHANGE OF MIND. YOU COULD EVEN CALL IT.

A CHANGE OF HEART.

ENLIGHTENED BY THE POETRY OF THE ALPHA MALE'S WORDS, THE FLUSTERED FLOOZY MOVES IN. THE INGENUITY OF HIS WORDS HAVE AWOKEN HIM. HE IS AIMING FOR HIS THROAT. 

HE HAS REDISCOVERED HIS PRIMAL URGE. TO KILL. AND TO DESTROY.

> he has rediscovered his self.

HE HAS REDISCOVERED HIS SELF.

  


IN AN ACT OF SURPRISING SELF-AWARENESS, THE FORMER FLIGHTLY BROAD ACKNOWLEDGES THE ALPHA MALE. AS HE SHOULD. 

AND THE ALPHA MALE IS IMPASSIVE. BECAUSE HIS JOURNEY OF MANLINESS COULD NEVER HAVE BEEN IMPEDED BY THE IMPERTINENT ACTS OF A *BOY*. WHICH IS A FACT THAT WAS ALWAYS KNOWN. 

HIS LAST GREAT ACT OF MERCY. IS TO PROVIDE THE BETA MALE WITH CONTACT. 

HE HOLDS OUT HIS FIST. AND BOTH MEN. EXPERIENCE THE MOST YAOI OF FIST BUMPS.


	2. THE AQUATIC TROLL APPROACHES THE LAZY JUGALLO.

homosucked. 

A YOUNG MALE TROLL STANDS BESIDE HIS LUDICROUS PILE OF SHITTY HORNS. WHY THE FUCK DOES HE HAVE SO MANY HORNS? THERE'S NO WAY ANYONE ACTUALLY *NEEDS* THAT MANY HORNS. 

THE CONCEPT OF SUCH A USELESS PILE IS REALLY STUPID. AS IS THE TROLL. WHO IS EVEN MORE OBVIOUSLY STUPID, BECAUSE HE IS A CLOWN. AS IS EVIDENCED BY THE DUMB GREY PAINT ON HIS DUMB GREY FACE. 

THIS TROLL IS NOT YET BATSHIT INSANE. OR MAYBE HE IS. IT'S HARD TO TELL. 

THE PAINT. WHICH I HAVE DEPICTED ARTFULLY. SHIELDS HIS VISAGE FROM OUR EYES. AND BY OUR I MEAN *YOUR*. I CAN SEE HIS FACE, BECAUSE I AM THE BEST. AND THIS TYPE OF SHIT IS EASY WHEN YOU'RE THE BEST.

> someone approaches his station.

someone approaches his station.

THERE IS ANOTHER YOUNG MALE AQUATIC TROLL. HE IS AN AQUATIC TROLL BECAUSE HE HAS FINS. AND SWIMS. I MEAN. PRESUMABLY.

HE IS CLAD IN A TASTEFULLY DRAPED CAPE, AS IS TO BE EXPECTED FROM A TROLL OF HIS CLASS. BUT IT STILL LOOKS LIKE GARBAGE. BECAUSE IT IS A SHITTY GIRLY PURPLE. HE EVEN HAS A LAME STREAK. 

AND IT STINKS.

HE MOVES TO GREET OUR JUGGALO COMPANION. WHO ISN'T REALLY OUR COMPANION. HE'S ACTUALLY KIND OF RUDE. I DON'T THINK CLOWNS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE RUDE. BUT NOBODY OFFERED ME A DIFFERENT CLOWN. SO. 

> ANYWAY.

ANYWAY.

HE POSES A QUESTION TO THE IMPERTINENT CLOWN. WHO LOUNGES AGAINST THE SHITTY PILE OF STUPID HORNS. LIKE AN ASSHOLE.

BUT HE IS IMPATIENT. AND WHINY. HOLY SHIT, THIS GUY IS SO GOD DAMN WHINY. IT IS INSANE. HE CAN'T EVEN WAIT FOR THE CLOWN TO RESPOND. LIKE WHAT THE HELL.

INSTEAD. HE EXPRESSES HIS *SADNESS*. WHICH IS ANOTHER WAY TO SAY THAT HE IS A LITTLE BITCH.

> THE JUGGALO OPENS HIS MAW.

THE JUGGALO OPENS HIS MAW.

AND SAYS SOME STUPID SHIT. 

WHAT. WERE YOU EXPECTING SOMETHING ELSE? IT'S A FUCKING JUGGALO. GET A GRIP. 

HE TALKS ABOUT ESPECIALLY USELESS SUBJECTS. SUCH AS HIS PREFERENCE FOR *CHICKEN NUGGETS*. WHATEVER THE FUCK THOSE ARE. 

AND BOY. DOES HE EXPOUND ON IT. IT IS OFFICIAL. THIS BASTARD REALLY LIKES CHICKEN NUGGETS, NOT THAT HE EVER TOLD ME. BECAUSE I WASN'T CONCERNED ABOUT HIS STUPIDITY.

IT IS ENTIRELY POINTLESS. LIKE, I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING. THE AQUATIC TROLL STARES IN DISBELIEF. AS DOES EVERYONE ELSE. BECAUSE IT IS HARD TO BELIEVE THAT ONE CLOWN. COULD BE SO USELESS.

> THEN HE PERFORMS THE ONLY LOGICAL ACTION.

THEN HE PERFORMS THE ONLY LOGICAL ACTION.

FROM WITHIN HIS TROUSERS. HE PULLS OUT HIS ROD. AND SHOOTS A GLARING WHITE BEAM INTO THE CLOWN TROLL'S PILE OF HORNS. 

SPECIFICALLY. HE BLASTS HIS LUMINESCENT BULLSHIT AT HIS BALLS.

> THE CLOWN IS SHOCKED.

THE CLOWN IS SHOCKED.

  


AS WOULD BE EXPECTED FROM ANYONE, I GUESS. 

EXCEPT ME, BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE STUPID REACTIONS. WHEN YOU'RE THE BEST, YOU DON'T DO THAT SHIT. IT JUST DOESN'T HAPPEN, WHEN YOU ARE A WINNER. WHICH I AM SURE IS A CONCEPT YOU ARE ALL UNFAMILIAR WITH. BECAUSE I AM THE ONLY WINNER. IT IS ME.

BUT FOR EVERYONE ELSE. SUCH EMOTIONAL WEAKNESS. WOULD NOT BE SURPRISING.

> A SPARK OF INSANITY FLICKERS IN HIS EYES.

A SPARK OF INSANITY FLICKERS IN HIS EYES.

IN AN ACT OF MASCULINE STRENGTH. HE HAS CHOSEN TO OVERPOWER THE DESTRUCTION THE AQUATIC TROLL HAS GIVEN HIM. HE HAS MUSTERED HIS *MANPOWER*. HIS FORTITUDE.

DESPITE THE FACT THAT HE IS A CLOWN. AND THEREFORE INHERENTLY WORTHLESS. HE IS DETERMINED. 

HE WILL PROVE HIS SUPERIORITY. OVER HIS AQUATIC COMPATRIOT. AND EMERGE AS THE ONLY TRUE ALPHA.

> HE BRANDISHES HIS BALLS TO ATTACK.

HE BRANDISHES HIS BALLS TO ATTACK.

THERE IS CHAOS. 

WELL. NOT REALLY. IT IS JUST TWO ASSHOLES SQUABBLING OVER PETTY SHIT. LIKE RUINED HORNS. 

IT KIND OF SUCKS. THERE IS ONLY SO MUCH APPROPRIATELY MANLY ACTION THAT CAN BE UNDERTAKEN. THROUGH THE MEDIUM OF HORNS.

> SERIOUSLY. WHY WOULD YOU ATTACK SOMEONE WITH *HORNS*?

SERIOUSLY. WHY WOULD YOU ATTACK SOMEONE WITH *HORNS*?

THERE ARE SO MANY BETTER WEAPONS. 

IN FACT. THE HORNS ARE NOT EVEN BEING USED TO ATTACK! IT IS THE BALLS BEING USED. THE SOFTEST PART OF THE HORNS. 

THEY AREN'T EVEN USING THEIR LITERAL HORNS! EVEN THOUGH THEY HAVE HORNS, THAT ARE HARD. INSTEAD OF WEAK AND SHITTY. THIS IS FUCKING STUPID. 

IT TURNS OUT THAT EVEN THE MOST ALPHA OF CLOWN TROLLS. CAN'T BE A REAL ALPHA MALE CLOWN. MAYBE BECAUSE THE CONCEPT IS A PARODOX. THAT IS TO SAY. THAT PERHAPS ALL TROLLS. ARE DESTINED TO BE BETAS. DESPITE THE INNATE VIOLENCE OF THEIR KIND.

> IT IS. YOU MIGHT SAY. IRONIC.

IT IS. YOU MIGHT SAY. IRONIC.

BUT WHATEVER. 

ANYWAY. FINALLY. THE CLOWN HAS HAD ENOUGH. HIS RAGE HAS BEEN QUELLED. THROUGH HIS DISPLAY OF FORCE. WHICH WAS ADMITTEDLY PRETTY WEAK.

THE AQUATIC TROLL LAYS BEFORE HIM. PRONE. HIS GIRLY PURPLE COLOUR STAINS THE GROUND. HIS FEMININE WEAKNESS IS EVIDENT.

AMIDST THE PILE OF BALLS. HE SURRENDERS TO THE NOT-ALPHA CLOWN TROLL.


End file.
